He Doesn't Want A High-Five

About the author:
Alli is not an expert at dating. Most of what she says is a result of what she sees around her. She writes what she sees going on and what she feels needs to be said. Sometimes she'll be sardonic, bitter, or cynical and other times she'll be downright insightful. She likes to think of herself as a relationship genius. Others might disagree, but they don't run this site.

If there is anything you would like me to cover, just click the question mark to ask a question. I'd love to hear from you.

You can also email me at Sardonicdatingadvice@gmail.com

Dating Tips #263: Don’t refer to your ex’s next as “sloppy seconds”

When your ex starts dating, be mature about it. The two of you didn’t work out for a reason and you’ll see that in time. Don’t be rude when they start dating and the phrase “sloppy seconds” needs to fade out because 98% of us could be considered “sloppy seconds” if we’re not the first person our S.O. has dated. Just let them move on with their lives and you do the same. You can’t move forward if you’re still hung up on the past. 

Questions/Response

Maiden Magazine

Email: sardonicdatingadvice@gmail.com

Dating Tips #262: Don’t base your relationship on sex (or lack thereof)

If all you’re hoping to get out of a relationship is sex, then don’t call it a relationship. Also, don’t assume that if you make someone your boyfriend or girlfriend it means they’re obligated to do what you want. It doesn’t work that way. Sleeping with someone doesn’t make you in a relationship and being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re gonna “get some” before the other person is ready. 

Questions/Response

Maiden Magazine

Email: sardonicdatingadvice@gmail.com

Dating Tips #261: Be generous with your compliments

Sometimes it’s easy to get into a dating rut and expect the person we’re with to know how we feel. Don’t just assume they know how hot you think they are, how much you love them, etc. Compliment them daily and even better, SHOW the other person how you feel. Buy them flowers, watch a movie they want, cook them dinner. It’s little things that you can do for the person you’re dating that says more than words. 

Questions/Response

Maiden Magazine

Email: sardonicdatingadvice@gmail.com

HowAboutWe: 10 Couples That Will Inspire You

Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley

J.K. Rowling became a billionaire because the “Harry Potter” series was about so much more than just Harry Potter, the supporting characters were also stellar and his two best friends were no exception.

Why they should inspire you: They were honestly friends first. And they got to know each other flaws and all before falling in love. Oh and there was the fact that they were totally badass when it came to fighting a wizarding war (we’ll ignore the part where Ron ran away and instead focus on the fact that he came back and ended up fighting with Hermione side by side at one point).

Anonymous asked: Hi, I'm in my first relationship right now. I was just kind of wondering if it's normal to have doubts about your bf. Not trust doubts, doubts like, "am I supposed to be with this guy? What if I'm not?" and then I think about all his bad qualities/habits and wonder if I should break up with him. maybe it's because I think too much of the future? But at the same time sometimes I go like, "aw, I love him(:" but yeah, just wondering if it's normal to think about breaking up sometimes and doubting.

Dear Doubter, 

Well, sometimes it’s okay and sometimes it’s not. When I was in my first relationship, I doubted it the whole time I was with the guy. It turns out I was right to doubt it because he wasn’t a nice guy and it wasn’t a healthy relationship. If you’re thinking about breaking up with him more than you are thinking about how much you want to be with him, then you already know my answer: end it. If he’s not someone you see yourself with in the future, don’t waste your present on him. 

-Alli 

HowAboutWe: 5 Reasons Why It's OK to Marry Your First BF/GF Ever

Numbers don’t matter.

When it comes down to it, it really doesn’t make a difference if you’re thinking about marrying your first boyfriend or your hundredth. When you’re at an age and a point in your relationship where you feel ready to take the next step, you’ll only be thinking about the future and not the number of previous hook ups (or lack thereof) of the past.

HowAboutWe: 5 Gems of Relationship Advice From Dr. Phil

Have emotional integrity

Dr. Phil says that effective communication begins with honesty. “If you say you’re going to look for a job in earnest, then look for a job,” the Dr. stresses. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” Dr. Phil is one smart cookie. I used to say things that I didn’t mean way too often. Things like, “Those pleated khakis look really spectacular with your Tevas” or “I’d love for your mother to tag along on our Hawaiian vacation.” Those little white lies hurt our “emotional integrity” and made for a few unsavory fashion mistakes.

HowAboutWe: 7 Types of Non-BFs

The “I Don’t Want A GF But I Don’t Want You To See Other People” Non-BF

You like this guy. He likes you. He tells you that he wouldn’t be comfortable dating you if you were seeing other people. In a wave of feeling agreeable, you say ‘ok, sure’. The problem? He’s not looking for a girlfriend, so essentially he’s not looking to date other people and therefore doesn’t have to change anything in his dating behavior. You are now in a limbo where you aren’t his girlfriend but agreed to exclusivity and have changed YOUR dating behavior extremely. This will prove to be very inconvenient and annoying when he lives his life normally, and you have to curb yours by not going on dates with other people — even though he’s not giving you the attention you should probably be getting from the people you would be going on dates with (who you can’t go on dates with because you agreed not to see other people). This will be short-lived. This is a stupid idea. Why would you enter into such an agreement?!? It’s ok, we all make dumb choices every once and again. But essentially, in this case, this boy is your Non-BF.

Thought Catalogue: 12 Lessons You Need to Learn Before Settling Down

 If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of someone else. Too many people get into relationships as a way to fix themselves or avoid fixing themselves by fixing someone else. You don’t have to think about your own emotional wellness when you’re focused on someone else’s. But there are a lot of problems with that, because you will take any problems you already had with you into the relationship; you carry your anger, your baggage and your brokenness. How can you make someone else whole if what you are giving to them is broken?  The only way to do that is to acknowledge that neither of you is perfect or able to be perfect. Instead, all you can do is try and enjoy the broken grace that life offers you and work on being the best that you can be. The only way is to try and do so together.

Start doing this in all your relationships, not just the romantic ones. 

Start doing this in all your relationships, not just the romantic ones.